her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
