Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
