I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
