remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
