What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
