My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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