HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
