I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
