The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i drank out of a bidet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
