His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
