he thought i was a dude.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
