I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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