I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
