you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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