I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
