He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
