1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
