think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
