I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
