the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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