I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
how drunk are you?
Several
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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