Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
