There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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