He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
