I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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