Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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