i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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