Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
