I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So. Much. Porn.
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