i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
