Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize