Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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