If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
