What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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