You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
