Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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