Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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