What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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