i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
