I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize