Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
