Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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