How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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