Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
