he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he was CRYING into my vagina
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
