battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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