Apparently you make a good broom.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
