No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
