Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
