Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
