I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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