You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
