I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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