We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
