**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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