He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
