Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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