nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
