After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
