Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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